Dr. Cox and Dr. Kelso are my heroes

It is a known fact in my department that i am not a morning person, especially when we travel for work. I have decided that a couple of my co-workers are slow learners and must have ridden the short bus to school. Here's why...

We hired a couple of new people so I understand if on their first audit with me they have no idea not to talk to me before 10:00 a.m. We were in Arlington driving from the hotel to the hospital. There are four of us in the car. I'm in the back seat with the newbie. I have my head leaning against the window, my eyes are closed, and i'm not saying a word. Ten minutes down the road, Newbie says to me, "Hey! Are you tired? You have your eyes closed!" I tried to ignore him because i was sleeping. He asked me again and my response was, "I was sleeping till you woke me up." One of my best friends who also works with me was in the front seat and informed him that i'm not a morning person and it would be in his best interest if he didn't talk to me (unless work related) before 10. Ok, not a big deal because this was Newbie's first trip with me. He didn't know but now he does.

Fast forward to Salt Lake City. I NEVER speak to anyone when we are eatting breakfast, never. Apparently Newbie didn't realize this. He starts talking to me and the only response he gets from me is the occassional grunt or moan. Thank goodness the third person on our audit team finally made it to breakfast so he could talk to her and leave me alone. This is the normal routine for about 4 days. On Thursday we walk into the audit room, i sit down at my computer and start working. It's going on about 8:45 and i have not said one word to anyone. Newbie, who is sitting across from me, says to me, "Either you are not a morning person or you don't like us?" If looks could kill! I lifted my head and said, "yes - in the morning" Seriously, did you ride the short bus? Are you a slow learner? You have been told that i am not a morning person so DO NOT talk to me.

So, the next trip was to Philly. I have another newbie with me and it was worse than having the other Newbie. I think we hired 2 really slow learners because how many times do i have to ignore you in the morning, how many times do you have to be told before you realize i don't start chit chatting with you till 10:00???? I don't have a problem talking to you before 10:00 IF if is work related because after all, that's why i am here. But i do not care about the new road or the new type of bread you found at Wal-Mart.

I don't feel bad when i don't talk to them since they have been told that i'm not a morning person. Good grief, are you really that slow? My not being a morning person also extends to the office. Why, oh why, as soon as i walk in the morning does Newbie #1 feel the need to tell me about every piece of useless knowledge he has obtained since 5:00 yesterday.

At this point, the Newbies are lucky if i even turn around and look at them when they talk to me. I feel like Dr. Cox from Scrubs. I think i'm going to take a page from Dr. Cox the next time any of the newbies walk up to me before 10:00 without a work question.

J.D.: Dr. Cox...
Dr. Cox: Newbie, if the next two words out of your mouth aren't 'See ya' then the third word will be 'Oh my god. My crotch. You've punched me in my crotch.'.
J.D.: See ya.

Great, i have to go. I hear one of the Newbies walking over to my desk. I think I may try this quote on the Newbie today...(Insert "Lester" where you see "Dr. Kelso.")

Dr. Kelso: Hey, guess what has two thumbs and still doesn't give a crap? [Points at his face with his thumbs]
Dr. Kelso: Bob Kelso! I think we've met...


P.S. Can i get a shout out from all those who are fans of Scrubs?